Shoes and Fruits

Sunday, I went to church.  Every Sunday I go to church.  Every Sunday when my youngest, six years old now, wakes up, he asks "Is it church or school?"  I say "church."  He says "Noooo, I don't want to go."

Yesterday, Sunday, was particularly hard.  My goal is to get to church ten minutes early to get everyone settled and listening to the prelude.  Since our meeting switched to 8:30 this year, I think I have made it early once or twice.  Yes, it is May, the end of May.

I was excited at 8:00 because I was ready, my boys were dressed and fed.  All we needed to do was put on shoes, brush teeth, and say family prayer.  To be early, we needed to leave by 8:05.

Shoes are my anathema.  Definition of anathema (courtesy of Dictionary.com): 

a·nath·e·ma

   noun, plural a·nath·e·mas.

1.

a person or thing detested or loathed: That subject is anathema to him.

2.

a person or thing accursed or consigned to damnation or destruction.

3.

a formal ecclesiastical curse involving excommunication.

4.

any imprecation of divine punishment.

5.

a curse; execration.

 Pick any one of those definitions.  They all fit.  You see, I cleaned my house really well on Saturday.  My oldest boy (eight, almost nine years old) has some brand new shoes.  He only had one on Saturday.  We could not find the other.  Since, my house was clean, even under the couch clean, I knew exactly where it was NOT--in the house.  When we are ready to go ANYWHERE, it is almost always the shoes that prevent timeliness.  You would think I would learn and prepare!

Unfortunately for me, I had forgotten that little tidbit of information until 8:05 Sunday morning.  We looked all over the clean house for fifteen minutes.  It became a colorful experience.  Colorful, because I was able to observe my actions completely while I colorfully lost my temper.  No cuss words were used, but I believe that if I could paint my emotions, they would begin pale blue and green, and end in the colors orange, red, and black by the time we got in the car at 8:20 with the old yucky shoes.  

Even my husband was a target. He does not go to church.  For the past 23 years I have been the one to get up each morning, face the task of preparing and taking my children to church.  Maybe for three of those year he has sporadically gone.  I have lived with it, on occasion trying to convince him of the virtues of going to church as a family.  Pick any part of the previously described color scale.  I have used all tactics.  Most of the time I just know that he has to make the choice, and that I can only control my choices and how I raise my children.  We have had a kind of understanding--except Sunday.  It all came out.


So, the twenty minute drive involved a lot of calming and apologizing.  I was upset, my boys were upset.  The older was picking on the younger.  The younger was crying.. I was trying to drive.  Then, I realized that it all started with my temper, it could finish with my apologies.  In twenty minutes, we would be at church, and if it was delayed because of announcements and church business, taking the Sacrament, like we do at the beginning of every meeting.  

The sacrament is where we renew the promises made at baptism.  The promises include keeping God's commandments, always remember Jesus Christ, and take upon us Christ's name, meaning we will live as he would.  In return, we are promised to have his Spirit to be with us.


The Holy Ghost, or the Spirit, does not have a tangible body.  This is so we can feel the Spirit and know he is there (John 3: -8).  The Spirit does not have to tarry.  In fact, he will not tarry in times of contention.  I know from personal experience.  To have the Spirit with me always, I must be living my life in accordance with the principles taught by the Savior.  I need to be in appropriate places.  It also helps to pray and read my scriptures daily.  Those seem to be Spirit intensive moments where I can feel the Spirit and learn how it feels to have him there and can remember that feeling so I can seek it throughout the day.

The feeling of the Spirit, the fruits of the spirit, is as "earnest," or a foretaste of the joy of eternal life (2 Corinthians 1:22; 2 Corinthians 5:5; Ephesians 1:14).  It is an amazing feeling.  Sometimes it is a peaceful thought, sometimes a feeling so strong that tears come to my eyes.  I always want more when I feel it.   Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance are the fruits of the Spirit.  




I was not sure I could be ready to feel worthy to partake of the Sacrament and to feel the Spirit, but I knew that I had to try.  My boys also needed to know how to resolve conflicts.  So, the apologies began.  I apologized and told them how much I loved them.  I told them how I should have handled things differently.  Teddy calmed down.  Alex calmed down.  


I also apologized to my husband.  My actions were completely misplaced.  Bringing up the church issue at that time was not the right time.  When we arrived at church I sent an apology to Jerry via text message.  We walked into church.  


The Sacrament had started.  The doors to the chapel were closed.  We sat on the sofa to wait until it was finished, finally calm, finally ready.  

The doors opened and a young man came out with a Sacrament tray.  It was the bread.  We had not missed the Sacrament.  We all partook of the bread, then the water, renewed our covenants to try again for the next week, until the next opportunity for the Sacrament, to be like the Savior and keep His commandments. 


You know what?  We were able to feel of the Spirit then, and also throughout the remainder of church.  If heaven is any part of what we feel, I will be happy to continue to try, shoes and all.